Monday, January 5, 2009

The Troubadour's Bane

Leo the Provençal Troubadour took great pride in his lyrical ballads.

Leo's village, Les Baux, took great pride in his lyrical ballads.

Minstrels around and jongleurs abound would imitate his style and plagiarize his words. In fact, there wasn't a line of nobility in Provence that hadn't folded under the sonorous beauty of Leo the Troubadour's notes. Once, Danish King Valdemar had commissioned a poem from Leo for his glorious Queen. To Leo, there was nothing more venerable than the high art of his compositions. To Les Baux, nothing was more august than the airy music that floated through its streets. His music gave life to the quiet village, and Leo affirmed that his quiet village gave life to all of his music. By all measures, Leo the Troubadour was a paragon.

Then, the Lyte Funky Ones came into town. Called "LFO" by the youth in the village, this new band posed giant threat to Leo the Troubadour's success. Aided by their hit song, "Summer Girls", Medieval LFO gained increasing popularity throughout the region. Enthusiasts in southern Occitania could simply not get enough of their newfound objets d'amour. These fans, 'bon vivants', began to request LFO mix tapes from minstrels in the area. They danced to LFO songs at their estampidas. Leo was outraged at the speed and slope of LFO's ascension and his own declension in the townsfolk's favor and upon the Les Baux charts.

With the heavy weight of LFO's success on his shoulders, Leo the Troubadour went back to his proverbial drawing board to write a gab. Leo toiled for months in recluse to find the perfect words to challenge LFO and to reclaim his deserved success. The challenge fueled his writing.

Meanwhile, LFO rewrote the history books with catchy and inspiring lyrics like:

Cherry pez, coke, crush rock, stud boogie
Used to hate school, so I had to play hookie
Always been hip to the b-boy style
Known to act wild and make a girl smile

And smile the girls did. Countless smiles could be seen on any street on which Medieval LFO played. LFO relished in the spotlight shone by their flawlessly crafted songs and lyrics. Because of all the fame and commissions, members of the band would commonly tell fans that their names were: Rich. Despite being so... Rich... public favor turned momentarily against the band when they collectively stole one young vassal's honey like they stole her bike.

Leo the Troubadour took advantage of this bad press. It was soon after the stolen honey incident that he released his new ballad entitled "The vexatious countenance of LFO behind the comely mask". Critics immediately reproached the single for reasons "including but not limited to: It's long title".

Leo skulked out of the Les Baux spotlight, as he famously put it; "to rue for rue's sake." Little did he know that that line, if written into a poem, would have quickly brought him fame again. Instead, he set to write an enueg about his fans. While later considered a technical masterpiece, the album, "I hate my votaries", bombed forthwith. Leo the Troubadour stated shortly thereafter; "Mine own votaries hath bequest me to fall, whereupon I shall fall; and, as such, with great weight." All commissioners dropped his services and Leo the Provençal Troubador was forced to live from the dirt.

LFO went on to write a tepid song entitled, "Girl on TV." Their follow up performance was lackluster at best due to the fact that no one really understood what a TV was. No one heard from Leo the Troubadour or from the Lyte Funky Ones again.

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