Friday, February 8, 2008

That Damn Grape

I know this is an odd way to begin a blog, but what I experienced and had to share this morning is, similarly, odd.

I was getting ready today, making a cup of coffee and starting the dishwasher when I decided it was about time to pull my McDonald's fruit and walnut salad from the fridge. Watching the coffee drip, I casually dug into my fruit salad. I was thinking about many things, such as how unforgiving the weather was going to be on the upcoming weekend and wondering what was to stop someone from buying an electronic item with "two AA batteries included!", replacing the batteries with dead ones and then returning the item. It was at this moment of deep and profound thought that I felt something fall off my fork.

Quick question, is it correct to eat fruit and yogurt with a fork or a spoon?

Moving on, I felt something fall off my fork. When I looked at my utensil, I realized that I had dropped a grape. Begrudgingly, I bent over to pick it off the floor, but I couldn't find it. (A quick caveat, I easily lose things.) However, this grape was truly elusive. I couldn't find it anywhere. It was after a minute of hunched-over frustration that I decided it best to get on the floor and crawl about in search of my missing grape. Unfortunately, I still couldn't find it. I mean, I seriously was on my belly looking around the kitchen floor. I lifted up chairs and looked under the fridge. Heck, I even crawled into the next room. I swear that I stopped the dishwasher at one point, opened it, and looked inside. This grape had mysteriously disappeared.

I ask, have you ever had a frustrating experience such as this? Indubitably, yes. Further, I ask, doesn't it begin to put things in perspective? YES!

While crawling on my belly, I decided to stop toiling over hot button issues that currently ravage our housing market, our economy or our international relations and focus on the real problem. I decided that I would vote for the candidate that could help me find my grape. I mean, I was THIS anxious to find where that little bugger had rolled. I began to panic as I asked myself, "Self, what will happen if you don't find this missing grape?" I was in such discord that I answered myself. "Inquiring other Self, I don't know...I just don't know". It wasn't the answer that I was looking for, so I got even more upset.

In a moment of passion I threw both my arms up towards the heavens and beckoned! Amongst all this bedlam, a tiny yet sharp stream of light shone through my window and lit my wrist to create a moment of clarity. WWJD. What would Jesus do? Well, he would probably be eating a date palm, but if he did lose a grape, he'd probably use his omnipotence to seek it out and turn it into wine. Me, incapable of uniting the powers of the earth, heavens and universe, I sat back down, dumbstruck and defeated.

Head down and frowning, I left the kitchen to begin the rest of my day. I call it; "Life after missing grape". Nothing was the same. The clouds didn't seem as bright. The coffee tasted bitter. My life had changed....

...Then in a wild turn of events as I reached for my keys, the clouds opened up, a choir began to sing aloud in the background, white light lit the earth (and, as if to bring life to an old cliche, my frown had turned upside down). My vision quest had ended as abruptly as it began. I found that the grape had wedged itself inside my right front jeans pocket. Order had been restored. Life can resume. Now we can begin to focus on feeding Sub-Saharan Africa.

The End,


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